Z1-Wizz

Apr 16 2010, 06:48 AM

I know that you and some of the others here may be considering the use
of synthetic oil in your bikes.

But you really should beware of synthetic oil!

It can do terrible things to you and your bike. It will not only leak
out of your engine faster than you can put it in, but it will also
cause your oil filter to clog and implode, dumping debris and dirt
into your lubrication system. It also will make every part of your
bike permanently slippery because of its linear molecular chain
dispersion action.

Then it will leak onto your kickstand causing it to retract
automatically, dropping your bike on the ground! But that's not all:
Synthetic oil will round off your gears and spin your bearings. It
will also splatter onto your seat causing your girlfriend to fall off
in the apex of a turn and then she'll never ride with or sleep with
you again. Synthetic oil coats your sight window and your timing
window with a whitish pro-emulsification additive that is both
non-removable and highly corrosive. Synthetic oil will completely
leak out onto the ground overnight and then force your dog to drink
it and die.

Synthetic oil will wear out your tires and make your battery leak. It
will give you the desperate need to urinate right after you put your
full leathers on and then jam your zippers shut. It will contaminate
your gasoline causing your bike to stall on railroad tracks and
accelerate uncontrollably near police cars. Using synthetic oil makes
it rain during rallies and on every weekend. It will lubricate your
timing belts causing them to jump teeth and break your valves to bits.
Synthetic
oil chemically weakens desmodromic valves and causes the clearances to
change every six miles. Then it melts the black soles of your riding
boots right before you walk across your new carpeting.

While riding past groups of attractive women it will cause both of
your handlebar grips to slip off at the same time so you smash your
windscreen with the bridge of your nose. It also causes your swingarm
to crack, your studs to break, and your rotors to warp, and then it
voids your warranty by changing your odometer reading to 55,555. It
also dries out your wet clutch and wets your dry clutch. It makes
your clutch slave cylinder seal fail in the heaviest traffic on the
hottest day of the year while putting an angry wasp in your helmet for
good measure.

Synthetic oil hides your 13mm socket and puts super glue on your
earplugs. Synthetic oil will scratch your face shield and make your
gloves shrink two sizes night before track day. Synthetic oil will
then steal your neutral and sell it to the Chinese for $1.25

So let's be careful out there!