How do you know when a BLONDE has been on your computer?



Cause there is TIPEX all over the screen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blondes are back!!!

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

***************
Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
She heard that one out of every four children born in the world was Chinese.

***************

Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.

*****************

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all! the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

****************

A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.

The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that th e eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

****************

A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, "That's ! a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold."

"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do ! you have there?" he asked.

"Why, that's a thermos . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.

Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"

The blond replied, "Two Ice lolls, and some coffee".

***************

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis! elbow?"

******************
This has to be one of the best blonde jokes around.
This should make all you technologically challenged people feel GOOD:

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
__________________


111

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and,
with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new
Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.



When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her,
he replied, "It's Lent."


In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have
ever heard!! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?" 256

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons nor any prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great relief, the Wal-Mart manager sees her and shuts the horse off. :kqk

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy!" she yelled,
"We were counting today and all the other kids could only count to four, but
I counted to ten. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! See?"
"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could
only go to D, but I went all the way to G. A, B, C, D, E, F, G! See?"
"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other
girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"No, Honey, it's because you're 24."
:tthu

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a large truck. The driver was outraged and was eventually able to make her pull over.



He got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde in his most threatening voice, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"



He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!"

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.

When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.

Now he's getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.

Now she's laughing.

The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets an extra can of diesel fuel, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.

He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"
:laf

Who says blondes are daft?


>A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the Manager. She says
>she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow
>£5,000. The Manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the
>loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.
>
>The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and
>everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for
>the loan. The Manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde
>for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan. An
>employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's
>underground garage and parks it there.
>
>Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest,
>which comes to £15.41. The Manager says, "Miss, we are very happy to have
>had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we
>are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found
>that
>you are a millionairess. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow
>£5,000?"
>
>The blonde replies...
>
>"Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and
>expect it to be there when I return?"

:sts

Blonde Star :woq

Two friends , a blond and a redhead, are walking along the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying flowers.
The redhaed sighs and says: 'oh no, my man is buying me flowers again'.

The blond looks at her quizically and says: ' Don't you like getting flowers from your boyfriend?'

Redhead: ' I love gettting flowers but he always has expectations after giving me flowers and I don't like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air!'

Blond :' Don't you have a vase?' :256

A year in the life of a blonde !!

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!! :tthu

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond

female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the
mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut &stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box
and again,

opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she
went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out
again,

marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder
than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)

My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" :111

A blond decides to do something she’s never done before - rent a dirty movie. She drives to the local Video Warehouse and makes here way to the adult section in the back. After looking around at titles, she selects a something that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment there’s nothing but static on the screen. She calls the store to complain and says, “I just rented an adult movie from you and there’s nothing on the tape, but static.”

The clerk apologized about the defective video and asked, “Which title did you rent?” The blond replied, “It’s called ‘Head Cleaner.’”

:lafy