One day Joe farted - not unusual for Joe, who was known to be gaseous on occasion. The difference was, it made a loud noise and sounded exactly like a man LOUDLY shouting, "HONDA!!!!" No one was around to hear it, so Joe put the experience up to an overactive imagination. A little surprised, Joe went on with his normal business.

But the next time he had to fart, the same thing happened - "HONDA!!!" This time, he was with his girlfriend. She (being a normal individual) was shocked. "What the hell was that?" she said.

Joe replied, "I don't know! It happened once before. Didn't it sound like 'HONDA!' to you?"

"Yes! That's so weird!"

So the next few days, Joe suffered more and more as each time he farted it made a sound like a man shouting "HONDA!!!" at the top of his lungs.

Well, after a few days of this, Joe figured he had better go see a doctor. Of course, the doctor never heard of such a thing and performed test after test - with no solution to the problem. The same happened with the specialist, the next doctor, the herbologist, the man at the health food store, the acupuncturist, the chiropractor, the shaman, the priest, and the exorcist. Finally, Joe went to see a Chinese doctor who said, "Go see the dentist. You have a bad tooth."

Not really being too interested in seeing the dentist at this point, Joe took his advice out of desperation only. Miraculously, his farts went back to normal after getting an abscess filled (he had a cavity) in one of his molars. Thrilled, Joe went back to the Chinese doctor and said, "Doctor! I'm so happy... my problem went away! But how did you know it was my tooth?"

The doctor replied, "Abscess makes the fart go honda!"

111

A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What is the special of the day?"

"Chilli," she says, "but the biker next to you got the last bowl."

The man says I will just have coffee, and the waitress goes to fetch it. As he waited, he noticed the biker next to him was eating a full lunch and the bowl of chilli remained uneaten.

" Are you going to eat your chilli?" he asked.

"No, help yourself," replied the biker. The man picked up a spoon and eagerly began devouring the chilli. When he got halfway through the bowl, he noticed the body of a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl. Sickened, he puked the chilli he had just eaten back into the bowl. The Biker sitting next to him says, "Yeah, thats as far as I got, too."

111

A biker stops by the Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and he would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.
The owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went.

But in the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker replied, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that

when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

111

Two bikers are pulled up at a stop sign. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting by. He pulls the bike to the side of the road, gets off, stands by its side, takes off his helmet, and bows his head. The procession passes by the intersection and the biker puts on his helmet, gets back on the bike, and starts it up.

The other biker comes over and says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."

The first biker responds, "Well, I guess it was the right thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."

111

An expert on the supernatural is giving a Halloween lecture on ghosts at a large municipal auditorium. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 people raise their hands.



"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?" About 40 people raise their hands.



"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 people raise their hands.



Next he asks, "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" And three people raise their hands.



"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one further question ... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"



Way in the back, this biker named Snake raises his hand.



The expert takes off his glasses, and says, "Sir, in all the years I've been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."



The big biker gets out of his seat and with a nod and a grin, begins to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the expert says, "Now, sir, please tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

And the biker replied, "Ghosts? @#%$!!! From way back there I thought you said, 'Goats'!!

111

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to pour everyone a drink on him. Once the bartender has poured everyone a drink the guy asks everyone in the bar to join him in a toast. The guy raises his glass and says, "All bikers are assholes". A guy at the opposite end of the bar says, "hold-on a minute I resent that!"



The first guy says, "what's wrong are you a biker?" The second guy replies, "No I'm an @#%$!"


111

A woman and her husband were riding their Harley Electra Glide on vacation, but had to interrupt their trip to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled and I don't want to waste any time with any pain killers because we're in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible and we'll be on our way."

The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

466

There's a fellow who is an avid rider. Actually he's a motorcycle fanatic. He has not missed a weekend of motorcycle riding in years. Every Saturday and Sunday morning he gets up very early and goes meets his buddies for a nice long ride. On this one morning, he gets up early, gets dressed, gets his riding gear out of the closet, and goes out to the garage to prepare to leave. While out there it started raining a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind is blowing at 30 mph. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the Weather Channel. From there he finds it's going to be bad weather all day long. So he puts his bike back into the garage and comes back inside. He quietly undresses and slips back into bed where he cuddles up to his wife's back, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible."

To which she replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out riding his bike today?"

444

Great :441